“Azna addresses her new pupils…”
It is necessary that I feel powerless in my love for you.
How else can I transform my self, our relationship and the world?
We have given our greatest gifts to a love that we needed to fill the hole inside us and we birthed beautiful art and children of pain and fear.
Now, a clarion call from the future shakes me to the core.
These holes can no longer hold.
Mother comes in from the bottoms of my feet, fills my womb with ocean water.
I traveled many roads, running from the screaming voices in my own phlegm, and happened on to you, a stranger who I will never completely understand.
A voice repeats the phrase, “I have met my match.”
What does it mean?
Why must my love enter the space of sheer confusion?
It is necessary.
I know that I cannot fill myself with your strangeness.
Strategies jump from this sinking ship, as my love for you continues to expand, confound.
Weary, I fill my body with perennial spirits and I surrender.
(I do this many times, as surrender is not a skill I have mastered.)
As I peel myself out of this deep sleep, I see little shining pools, where the holes were.
These are my eyes.
Perhaps they were sleeping.
Something about you and the shifting of the planet and a trumpet from around the bend woke them, perhaps.
As I explore these new ways of seeing and move through the world, aware of my wholeness, my love for you deepens. I find myself listening and standing in spaces that I never even knew existed. Qualities surround me, or drink me in…gentleness, grace, curiosity, as well as passion, fervor and deep emotions (also I did not know them). I walk with you into further strangeness.
There are moments…that I see the little shining pools in you staring back at me. I cannot explain what it is to stand in this creative fire, the moment where we can birth beauty and children out of love and wholeness.
This is why we gather, why I have committed to these teachings. From mother to daughter, the bond of love in separation is natural, crucial. Each generation must hone, practice, give and welcome our strangers.
The time will come, when most of the people sleep in a nightmare of fear and pain. We must enter each other’s dreams and wake ourselves up.
So, you see, it is necessary that I feel powerless in my love for you.